Thursday, 30 July 2015

Why You Should Kiss Ass

       Why You Should Kiss Ass 


    I should probably start by apologising to everyone who thinkkiss ass is some sort of curse. I'm sorry, forgive me? Nah, I really don't care. Okay, I'm sorry. I really am. Just keep on reading. I'll admit I'm also uncomfortable so I will just shorten it to KA.

    I'm sure we've all been told by people older than us, perhaps parents to do the opposite of KA. You know to stand up for yourself, speak your mind and similar lofty ideals. While all that is beautiful and you really want to just stop reading this, I urge you to go on. Remember, as kids we were also told to not pick stuff, in particular money from the ground or we would turn into yams or goats. Well, how did that turn out? How many of our friends turned into yams or if you were the errant child, did you turn into a goat? So, now you should really listen to me. They don't know everything and won't always tell you the truth, but I will.

    For starters, you have to KA if you want to be successful in the 21st century. This is of course the only century I can speak about. If you feel you're too good to KA, well I can only say you should come down from your high horse and learn how to. 

     It doesn't matter whether you respect Jonathan or not but that man was elected into the office of the President of Nigeria. He wasn't born into a political legacy of a home. But he got to the top. He did that by KAing. By saying a whole lot of 'oga', 'madam', 'boss', 'I dey loyal' initiallyHe probably always paid OBJ a compliment, telling him he looked fine on certain days. People like to feel important, to feel acknowledged even if they're terrible people. Tell them all they want to hear. This sounds atrocious but you pretty much do this sometimes when you're trying to get a girl. You might as well use it for something better, I dare say. 

   Learn your boss' birthday, send them cards, make them feel like you care, give them credit even when it's not due them. Pretty soon, they'll start including you in whatever and giving you small crumbs. From there, you can get the whole loaf. You should actually try to care even if a little bit though. People can usually smell dishonesty from afar. It's not a good smell. 

        KA has gotten such an undeserved bad rep. The key is not to overdo it. You can't be paying someone a compliment everyday. Pretty soon they become desensitised to it, it pretty much becomes a chore . You need to find the right balance just in-between I couldn't care less avenue and I'm starstruck street. 

    You don't have to only KA your superiors only, you could also do the same to your colleagues. Many smart people will never get to the top even though they might be the best. This is mostly true when the person at the top needs to be elected. People won't choose someone they don't like, someone they feel they can't trust. If your goal is to be at the top, well start working to get people to like you and definitely don't alienate yourself. Don't over-do it as well or act like a door mat because people will see through that fakeness with quickness (see what I did there?) or well use you as a door mat and that's pretty much where you'll remain foreverJust make people feel you can listen to them. Brush up on your listening skills. Everyone wants to feel heard. Once people know that they can project their thoughts and you'll understand them, the sooner they'll also want to believe that you can execute it and bang you're where you want to be. 

    I'm really just ranting anyway. To KA is to get what you want. Admittedly, it takes practice. But once you get the hang of it, you're good to go. Pay people compliments every now and then. Sure they may say "wash, wash" as is common but best believe a well-placed compliment gets you into the person's good graces. So yes, you could carry on these skills and pay your boss or lecturer or compliment. But remember, I no send you if you bring unnecessary attention to yourself except that's what you already wanted.