Friday, 3 April 2015

What your Pastor Won't Tell You (2)

    In the spirit of Easter, you may or may not want to know that 32% of the world's population are Christians which is approximately 2.2 billion people... Wait, before anyone starts attacking me on my terminology, let me make something clear. When I say "Christian", I mean people that believe in Jesus Christ. This includes ex christians -new-age Nigerian atheists who were formerly christians. You're still gonna fill 'christian' when you apply for that Shell job. It also includes those that swear they can judge every one but themselves while breaking every commandment known to man each day. Basically, it's a very loose term so feel free to hop on board. Now we've got that settled, we should all know the major antagonist in this little story is Satan who goes by the first name Lucifer and family name Devil. That mean old ugly ass creature we were all told about as kids in Sunday school. That's not a  good enough description for him (or her) though. A vital characteristic is usually left out. I'm gonna add "smart" to that description to complete it. Lucifer works day and night trying to snatch people from the Kingdom of God in really creative and extremely effective ways. Christians are expected to go to church for "spiritual nourishment" every Sunday or Saturday for some. The Devil being the hater, and in order to prevent the spirit of the Christian from taking its own Sunday rice, finds ways of stopping us from going...or so is the belief. I call BS on all this. For me, when it comes to church and the devil, there are three categories of people...

       The first are those the devil actually don't want to go to church... These people are those that actually come back from every service as changed and 'better' people. They are those that honestly cry when prayers are going on, sing and dance with all their heart, take notes during the sermon and actually study it when they get home. The devil hates those people... He uses every technique in the book to keep them from entering that building and taking their "spiritual chow" by making them oversleep, giving them certain illnesses, or causing their wives to dress up for hours so they'll go as late as possible, when the meat is finished or more preferably when it's just toothpick remaining...

     The second category are those the devil actually wants to go to church. Yes i just said that. Relax let me explain. These people are the 'baby boys' and 'baby gehs'. These people are those my friends and I like to refer to as "gamblers"... They are those guys that go to "toast" choir girls and pastors' daughters. They are those girls that go to seduce the pastor or brothers in the Lord. These people are actually helping the Devil populate his crib by bringing fresh innocent girls and holy guys into the fold. So tell me, why would the devil want such MVPs stay at home when they are moving his ministry? I'm sure he might even volunteer to wake them up, get their bath ready and brush their teeth any week they feel lazy.

       The last category are those the devil really doesn't give two fucks about. You disagree? Hold on a minute... Do u know anyone that goes to church, doesn't join any unit, doesn't talk to anyone, doesn't really dance or sing or do anything really? They hear the word but you can see clearly that their minds aren't there, probably thinking of the boobs and ass of the girl last Friday night... Or how to murder their boyfriends for not calling them the previous day? Now these people are not helping the devil capture the souls he wants, and are also refusing the Jollof and Chicken. Now tell me why the devil would care since they are not moving or hindering his ministry.?

Which group do you belong to?   None? I just might have to find a special category for you then because you must belong somewhere.

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